My parents’ lives in Vietnam

To start any story about me, you’d have to read about my parents first. Especially since they form the background for a major part of my childhood.

Mother’s family of 6 (from south Vietnam):

• Maternal grandfather – nice man, smart, kind, down-to-earth, progressive father for his time (treating sons & daughters equally), crafty and clever. Was born in the south of Vietnam, where your family most likely owned land (and farms), or your family worked on those farms and exchanged labor for the rights to live on the land. He used to work for the government back in Vietnam. Used to
• Maternal grandmother – really mean bitchy lady with horrible attitude, not social, always a bitchy facial expression. Never appreciated her husband, and criticized him often. It seems she would have preferred a more “cool” social guy who dresses fancy, goes out, and makes a lot of money…than a down-to-earth stay home family man. I believe her mother was half-french and so she had a European nose with a nose-bridge.
• Anna (oldest sister) – smart, strong, brave, and ambitious/adventurous but very mean, unhappy, unkind. She would later become a journalist. Fits the 1st child characteristics well.
• Vito (older brother) – kind man, peacemaker, prefers harmony over conflict, protective brother, also sense of humor, would grow up to be a really good and kind father (like his own father). Fits middle child characteristics.
• Annette (my mother) – sweet nature, shy, introvert, also a peacemaker and prefers harmony over conflict. Also middle child characteristics.
• Aldo (youngest brother) – smart, bold, probably the most athletic of the family, adventurous and brave like Anna. Would also grow up to become an awesome father (super engaged with his kids).

This family was socially considered to be a low-class (but not the lowest), they spoke simple southern Vietnamese accent, and parents weren’t particularly educated or high-status in the community. Just average common-folk. Nice people. In the years that I could speak Vietnamese, I was able to communicate with them quite easily.

My maternal grandfather was half-Chinese.

His father was Chinese, that’s why he had the last name Trinh (which is not a “pure” Vietnamese last name). And he could speak Chinese. But my grandfather (my mom’s father) could not.

In her version of Vietnamese last names, there are only 4 true Vietnamese last names. The most famous one today is NGUYEN. The royal family from a long time ago said “whoever is not real Vietnamese will be kicked out of Vietnam and sent back to China”. And so everybody changed their last names to Nguyen. That’s why it’s so common today.

There are also other theories/explanations of why the surname Nguyen is so common. One was that there were 2 feuding families trying to control Vietnam. It was the Nguyen family and another one (I forgot). The other family came into power and tried to kill all members of the Nguyen family, but obviously didn’t succeed. After some generations, the Nguyen family seized power and wanted revenge. They were a bit more vicious in saying they would kill anybody not of the Nguyen family. And so everybody changed their name overnight to Nguyen.

Grandfather’s move from (south) farmland countryside to (south) big city Saigon:

My grandfather was from a family of 9 children. I forgot the order of my grandfather. Their family owned farm land which meant a specific way of life for them.

As the regional stereotypes go…

• People from south of Vietnam – usually own land and don’t have to work. They can lounge and be lazy all day long. No interest in higher education or high government positions (social status) because they’re already satisfied with life. The poor people who don’t own land will then approach them and offer to exchange farm labor to be able to live on the land. They usually make deals like “ok, you can live here if you pick 20 ____ of apples for me every month”. Negotiations are made and promises are kept as best as they can. During bad months, a kind landowner will let them turn in less while a rigid landowner will keep track of a tab/debt or kick them out for another family. The sons of the landowners are also known to mess around with the workers’ daughters and they’re not allowed to complain (and damage the family reputation) or else they’re kicked out. Their accent is considered “country accent”, very neutral simple sound and easy to speak.
• People from north of Vietnam – are intelligent hustlers by necessity. They don’t own farm land so they rely on business smarts and hard work to make ends meet. It’s said that they have strong perseverance and can survive through any difficulty. Their accent is like the posh London accent of Vietnam, a well-respected accent on TV and in person. It is the most proper textbook Vietnamese accent. If you weren’t born in the north and accustomed with the northern accent…it can be hard to understand Vietnamese spoken on TV and even some songs, much like how an American might not be able to understand a British accent.
• People from the central of Vietnam – are typically high status and high government, since many government buildings are here. They also have a strange and distinct accent.

My maternal grandfather didn’t want to be a boring landowner. When he got older, he gave up his portion of the land (that was divided equally into 9 parts for each sibling) and moved to the big city Saigon.

Maternal grandfather in Saigon.

I think it was here that he met his wife (my maternal grandmother) and married and had kids. He worked for the government. I think he was an administrative assistant in the government building. Paperwork and what not. It was in Saigon that my mother and her siblings were raised.

They lived on a plot of land that had 2 houses. Them being in the back house, while another family lived in the front house. My mother has fond memories of her father being a great man during her childhood.

• He treated sons and daughters equally. Which was refreshing in a time when sons were valued more since they could carry the family name.
• He was also good with his hands, many mechanical skills and artist skills. When my mother was made fun of at school for not having a doll (her family couldn’t afford), her father made one for her carved from wood with his bare hands which was prettier than the dolls the other girls had. He could make anything by hand, really.
• He enjoyed and played with his kids a lot. It seemed everybody liked and appreciated him except his wife. (Who wishes he had more money.)

Father’s family of 7 (from north Vietnam):

• Paternal grandfather – a kind man in his old age, funny, witty, respected character. Also tall for Vietnamese people. But was considered a tough/strict father in his younger days. Passed away in January 2022. Outlived all other grandparents by 10+ years. Carries the last name Nguyen.
• Paternal grandmother – absolute bitchy woman. Unkind, always critical and mean, can’t help but open her mouth to say negative things right to your face (for example commenting on your weight gain, etc). At least she smiles and laughs and can seem social to people just meeting her. She is also half-Chinese and looks really Chinese, also speaks the language too I think.
• Tuan (oldest and girl, aka “bitch”) – nickname because she takes after her mom in every way. Just a horrible wretched person. One of the most negative people that I know personally. Me and my brothers sincerely hate her. We also sometimes called her “witch” when we didn’t want to cuss.
• Bao (oldest son aka “scarface”) – a short thin man, extremely bow-legged. Smart and funny, but was an overly tough father probably taking after his own. Called ” At middle-age, he started having heart attacks and changed personal views on life. Deciding to be relaxed instead of hotheaded like all the brothers in preservation of his health and sanity. Has a slight tan.
• Bon (2nd son aka “James Bond”) – extremely smart, also funny, very business-minded and had several successful businesses in Vietnam before he left. Round figure, a little fat compared to his thin siblings. Probably behaves in the most classy way of his brothers and his wife would later carry himself in equally classy fashion.
• Bang (3rd son, my father aka “the gorilla”) – street kid, street smart, most athletic (thicker muscular build and played soccer), total charmer, always hanging around on the street, and trying to woo the girls. Had the most charisma and stage presence. Was a talented actor, singer, dancer, also played guitar. Had he not left Vietnam, probably would have been a famous show-biz person. Unlike his siblings, he’s got a darker tan complexion. Although they said it was because he played soccer and hung outside the house all the time, it seems his skin is genetically darker whereas his siblings were more very light skin like typical Chinese complexion. Nickname comes from his thicker build, thicker arms/hands and feet, big flaring nostrils, and short temper.
• Ban (4th son aka “gambler”) – the tallest, most handsome, smart, hardworking, would later become the most educated and only child with college degree (bachelors). Nickname is because he had a massive gambling addiction and kept it for 30 years until he passed.
• Bien (5th son aka “crazy bean”) – youngest son, considered most artistic (playing music and singing), also athletic (martial arts). Unfortunately suffered massive head injuries during a late night store robbery gone wrong and went insane….and thus, the nickname of “crazy” combined with an Anglicized pronunciation of his Vietnamese name “bean”.

These nicknames were created by me and my brothers, and my mom uses as well. Our cousins and aunts/uncles see them in a different light and perhaps have different nicknames.

Escaping (the communist army) from north to south:

My father’s family was well-off middle class or even considered rich, both when they were in the north as well as when they were in the south. And respected by everyone. They were also well-behaved and good talkers, socialized with the community. Unfortunately the communist party seized control after the French occupation ended, they had to run since the communist army was taking over the north first.

What was happening if they stayed? Probably many inconveniences in the quality of life. But one major reason was that the communist party was switching out the currency. And you would lose value when you converted from the old currency to the new one (90% loss in money). Also they had limits on how much currency you could convert over. Either way, the result was the same…everybody is poor under communist rule. And it made sense for northerners to leave.

So they escaped to the south taking what little they could bring with them. Being that they didn’t own any land here, they all had to work. And it was no problem since they were very intelligent and business-minded already. They knew how to hustle, how to organize and make things happen. They were back on their feet in no time.

Their Vietnamese accent could also be made note of. My paternal grandparents had a very strong northern accent whereas their children (my father & his siblings) had something in between since they were actually born in the south. When speaking with us children, they had a simpler southern accent. Whereas when speaking with their parents or other grown-up Vietnamese people, they switched to a more proper/classy northern Vietnamese accent. I can’t understand my paternal grandparents very well. This mixture of accents in my childhood would later lead me to have a sometimes funny Vietnamese, using northern words with southern accent and such.

How my father met my mother.

If you remember from the story before, my mother lived in the back-house of a plot of land that had two houses. Well the lady in the front house was the sister of my dad’s aunt. And so my dad sometimes came over as part of the family visit and from this, he and my mother became acquainted.

Of course, my mom was pretty and my father liked girls. So he was always trying to chat her up. And I’d guess her shy introverted personality took an easy liking to his extroverted fast-talking northerner charms.

But my mother’s family hated my father from the beginning. Her brothers were very protective, feeling he just wasn’t a good guy for her. Always hanging around the street, known as a lady-charmer, not studious. He already had a reputation.

It didn’t matter much anyway as the war getting worse, and the communist army (based in the north) was now about to invade the south and basically take over all of Vietnam. The US soldiers would be entering and the US-Vietnam war. Both my father’s and mother’s families would be escaping Vietnam anyway and have to make a new life elsewhere.